A College Freshman’s Raw Journey Toward Peace & Purpose
From Las Vegas Lights to Mountain Silence
Picture this, an 18 year old graduate from Silverado High School in Las Vegas, NV, headed to Naropa University in Boulder, CO.
Born and raised in Sin City, and headed to a Buddhist inspired school in the mountains.
When I first arrived in Boulder I’d drive 15 minutes away to a Target in Broomfield, CO. I didn’t know there was a Target 2 minutes from my house in Boulder.
Everything in Vegas is 10-15 minutes away. It made me feel calm when I’d drive home from Broomfield to Boulder and get a glimpse of the Boulder City lights. It reminded me of the bright city lights that illuminated the streets I grew up on, usually with a view of the Las Vegas Strip in the distance.
Without knowing it, the Las Vegas Strip and bright city lights were my safe space. As much as I despised a city that never sleeps, the Target every 15 minutes in any direction, and the monotony of houses that all looked the same. I missed it. I was immediately home sick, searching for familiarity in a small town full of mostly white people and a lot of patchouli smelling hippies.
Before I left home I imagined doing yoga, sitting peacefully to meditate, and becoming the best version of myself. I’d light a candle and focus on the flame in my high school bedroom. The future version of myself was peaceful and successful. Everything came easy to her.
I imagined I’d leave home and find instant happiness! Instead, I moved in the middle of winter and found discomfort, depression, and what looked like dead trees.
I’d never lived through winter in a place with four seasons and it magnified my lonliness.
My new roommates were two gay men in their mid to late 30’s and they were the only people I “knew”.
I missed my family more than I could have ever imagined. This was before FaceTime was an option. The camera I bought to see them would freeze every 30 seconds and make my heart ache.
When classes began, at the Buddhist inspired college, we were instructed to sit on the floor, in a circle with 7-15 people. We’d sit up straight and bow to each other. I’m not joking. Full on, hands on our thighs, taking a deep breath to be present, and then we’d bow to start and end every class.
After our bows we’d have check-ins, which meant we’d go around the circle and check-in with each other. We were taught to speak from our hearts and to listen from our hearts. To not think about what we were going to say—to be fully present and vulnerable.
Uncomfortable doesn’t come close to describing those first few months.
I share all of this to say, I know how:
Out of your element it can feel to go toward something outside of your comfort zone.
Strange the world of yoga and meditation can feel.
It feels to leave familiarity and step out on your own.
Loneliness, sadness, anger, and isolation become companions in tough times.
To use food, sugar, drugs, or binge watch TV to feel better.
To pave a new path in uncharted waters.
To go after what I feel in my heart with every ounce of my will.
To stay motivated when depressed, unsure, and feeling defeated.
If you’d like to hear more about my college experience and the list above, let me know what stands out to you. I’m writing into the void hoping to connect with readers on the other side.
I’d love to hear what resonates with you. What you feel connected to.
Have a beautiful and blessed week.
Love Always,
Danielle Mallett